Sweet Bella Vita

a dash of motherhood… a sprinkle of homeschooling… and a pinch of photography ( with a side of compassion )


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mother’s day

Happy mother’s day to all you wonderful moms out there 🙂

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This day has been  bittersweet for me for the last 7 years … a special message to my mom …
I miss you and I wish I could hear your voice and chat with you especially today… even though I talk to you all the time … I wish I could hear you answer me.

~Lisa

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ashes

Sandy’s ashes were ready for me to go pick up .

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They had been ready for a while; I just could not get myself to go get them. I knew that going to get them would make it all so final.

This week my daughter spoke about Sandy and told me she misses her and asked me “when will Sandy come back home”, and said;  “daddy can bring her home now” (as she remembers seeing him take her away).

I had the most vivid dream the other night that I came down the stairs and there she was curled up in her favourite spot at the bottom of the stairs … and I was so happy for just a moment as I savoured that delightful thought and then the reality that it was a dream hit me and I woke up.

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I am doing better … her sister is finding comfort in us; and us in her. Strange how life is like this; here one day gone the next. No matter how many losses I have been through  it never gets easier.

I took my first walk finally this week; with just her sister Bianca. I used Sandy’s leash and collar on Bianca and let her smell it before I placed it on her; in a sense it was my way of bringing Sandy with us.  It was really hard for me … in 12 years I have never walked just one of them alone; and even Bianca found it rather odd as her sister used to take the lead.

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Last night my husband brought home her ashes… I am not sure what I will do with them, but for the moment I will just hold on to them.

~Lisa


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more of Sandy

more pictures of my sweet pup Sandy … just cause… well it is the only thing bringing me some comfort at the moment … looking at pictures of her and thinking of her

these were some of the last I took of her

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if you haven’t seen it here is my goodbye dear Sandy post 

~Lisa


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goodbye dear Sandy

Yesterday was a terrible day 

My dog died

Sandy

My dear dog of 12 years

My partner

One of my best friends

My pup

She was my crazy dog
The kind that jumps on the counter to pull a box of pizza off and eat the whole thing in seconds
The kind that drags a baking cookie sheet on the floor so she can eat all the hot boiling apple crumble off of it
The kind that loves you unconditionally no matter what

That unconditional love just amazes me

I’m not sure how we pick up the pieces and go on …how life doesn’t stop and just goes on

I was there when she took her last breath and as I called  her name and said  please don’t go she tried so hard to look at me, she tried so hard to not let go, but she could no longer stay

Yes this is life as many say and it’s the cycle of life

I don’t want to hear that right now; so please don’t bother saying anything at all to me

I know the cycle of life all too well, no one needs to remind me

I want time to just stop!!!!

Death sucks and I mean it seriously fucking sucks!!!
Not for the one that dies but  for the ones they leave behind, they somehow need to pick up the pieces and go on 

I have been through this too many times

That pain in your chest that hurts so much it feel like it is compressing your lungs
The tears that pour down like a broken faucet
Searching for your breath  

Sandy was there for me for everything; during almost all my twenties and most of my thirties.
She was by my side for all the losses I went through.
The loss of my other beloved dog who was like a mom to her.
My dad, my mom, my grandmother, and just a few weeks ago my uncles’ death.
All my miscarriages; where I buried my face in her fur and cried.
She was family.

She greeted me at the door every time I came home; no mater if I was gone minutes or days.
She said goodbye to me every time I left, staring at me through the window as I drove away as if to say ‘please don’t go’.

And now she is gone and her sister is still here;
And Somehow life is supposed to just go on.

The tears will dry up
The breath will return to normal
The sun sets
The sunrises
Life continues

The pain doesn’t go away we just learn to live with the heartache
Our hearts don’t truly heal but rather learn to beat with the pain
And with memories that bring us happiness and sadness all at the same time; we somehow manage to pick ourselves up and somehow we go on

And  with each death I not only miss the newly departed but think of all the others that have left me
And how much they are all missed and loved and never forgotten

We are all just visiting here, spending some time together making connections
Loving each other… learning to live in the moment 

My dad and mom always said this to me:
‘vogliamoci bene ora che siamo vivi’
‘Let’s love each other while we are alive’
And dogs more then anyone I know; know how to do this best
They love with every inch of their beings,
You can feel the love seeping out of their souls.
And they know how to live in the moment … in fact; I am not even sure they know anything but the moment they are in

Sandy pup

Dear Sandy,
You were an amazing dog
So sweet and gentle and so mischievous all at the same time
We all miss you so much
The kids are sad
I am a mess
Your sister keeps looking for you
I keep seeing you in your favourite spots around the house as if you are still here
Know that you are loved beyond what you could have ever imagined
And will always live on in our hearts forever
I hope you are running wild and free over the rainbow

Rest in peace
Sandy
February 9th 2003 – February 11th 2015

sandy back

I was there only days after you were born and was there the moment you left this world
You chose us with your witty sense of excitement and for that I am forever grateful for the amazing 12 years you gave us! 

we miss you … as my daughter said at bed time last night “why is not Sandy here?” 😦

~L!SA

To all my wonderful friends both in real life and online thank you for your kind words
Your support
Your offers to help
You have no idea how much each one means  to me
And I thank you from the bottom of my heart


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a mailbox in the middle of nowhere

Feeling very melancholy lately;
I know it is that time of the year for me.
Missing my parents like crazy.
Often daydreaming of what life would be;
to have them here with me.

~Lisa

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so… oh yeah… where was i again? oh, now I remember!

I get the kids going with some school work… and then head off to start doing dishes… then remember I forgot to start the washing machine and take the clothes out of the dryer… while I am on my way to the laundry room … I start to clean up the mess on the floor and realize I should vacuum … at which point I go get the vacuum and think of an email I forgot to reply to earlier that I had started … I go get my phone to reply only to see texts I need to reply to and another email which grabs my attention and sends me off  web surfing for then next 22.5 minutes, after reading an article about ‘better time management skills’ 😉 to which I finally snap out of it and say…

What was I doing again?!

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Oh yes, the laundry! …

I start walking back to the laundry room and on my way answer the phone ,  then help one of the kids with their school work and then get side tracked by a naked two year old clapping as she just went pee in the potty all by herself  … to which I throw a big celebration party for the next 45 seconds!

YEAH!!!! hip hooray!!!  woohoooooo…

Okay, now where was I going ?!

Now I need to go get some clothes for the naked 2 year old … run upstairs only to find a mess on the floor in all my kids rooms so I start to pick it up … and remember that I need to do a TON of laundry …

Oh yeah, laundry; that’s right! … let me go get that started…

Head back towards the laundry room only to realize it is garbage day and I need to go bring the garbage out and to the curb, before the garbage truck passes … on my way there, at the corner of my eye I spot a teeny tiny rainbow and some pretty   flowers growing , drop the garbage to go grab my camera and take  pictures ( somehow I do not get side tacked from doing this 😉

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Delegate the job of the garbage to my 7 y.o. ( who not surprisingly gets side tracked himself with his own stuff)  but the garbage miaraculusly does end up at the curb somehow.

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I head back inside towards the laundry room again … only to  bombarded by 3 kids begging to go in the pool… oh yes, pool !!! that sounds like a great idea! let’s go! …

and here I am sitting by the pool … enjoying the sun and watching my kids….

What was I supposed to do again?

Oh yeah; laundry, dishes, clean … UGH !

WHATEVER!

Those things can always wait!  and those things are always there… I mean let’s be realistic, I have 3 kids and  2 dogs ( and a husband too 😉 ) … the laundry will never be done… nor will the other stuff…  and yes they do get done at some point … and I do relish that 2.5 seconds when the laundry is all done 😉

And no it’s not that I lost my brain with having kids… it’s that I have a million thoughts to process  and things to do  … and that is my story  and I am sticking to it… while I sit here on my deck soaking up the heat and enjoying the happiness surrounding me!

What was I supposed to do again?

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Oh yes… I am doing it 😉

pool side

Lisa

p.s. this post would probably be 50 times as long if I really included all the stuff that I attempt to do in a day and get side tracked doing or all the thoughts I process  … but I got side tracked while writing this post, so this is what I got 😉

p.p.s this post was written this summer but I got sidetracked with life, and haven’t blogged much … but have a few blog posts in mind, including a vegan scone recipe coming soon.