Yesterday was a terrible day
My dog died
My dear dog of 12 years
One of my best friends
She was my crazy dog
The kind that jumps on the counter to pull a box of pizza off and eat the whole thing in seconds
The kind that drags a baking cookie sheet on the floor so she can eat all the hot boiling apple crumble off of it
The kind that loves you unconditionally no matter what
That unconditional love just amazes me
I’m not sure how we pick up the pieces and go on …how life doesn’t stop and just goes on
I was there when she took her last breath and as I called her name and said please don’t go she tried so hard to look at me, she tried so hard to not let go, but she could no longer stay
Yes this is life as many say and it’s the cycle of life
I don’t want to hear that right now; so please don’t bother saying anything at all to me
I know the cycle of life all too well, no one needs to remind me
I want time to just stop!!!!
Death sucks and I mean it seriously fucking sucks!!!
Not for the one that dies but for the ones they leave behind, they somehow need to pick up the pieces and go on
I have been through this too many times
That pain in your chest that hurts so much it feel like it is compressing your lungs
The tears that pour down like a broken faucet
Searching for your breath
Sandy was there for me for everything; during almost all my twenties and most of my thirties.
She was by my side for all the losses I went through.
The loss of my other beloved dog who was like a mom to her.
My dad, my mom, my grandmother, and just a few weeks ago my uncles’ death.
All my miscarriages; where I buried my face in her fur and cried.
She was family.
She greeted me at the door every time I came home; no mater if I was gone minutes or days.
She said goodbye to me every time I left, staring at me through the window as I drove away as if to say ‘please don’t go’.
And now she is gone and her sister is still here;
And Somehow life is supposed to just go on.
The tears will dry up
The breath will return to normal
The sun sets
The pain doesn’t go away we just learn to live with the heartache
Our hearts don’t truly heal but rather learn to beat with the pain
And with memories that bring us happiness and sadness all at the same time; we somehow manage to pick ourselves up and somehow we go on
And with each death I not only miss the newly departed but think of all the others that have left me
And how much they are all missed and loved and never forgotten
We are all just visiting here, spending some time together making connections
Loving each other… learning to live in the moment
My dad and mom always said this to me:
‘vogliamoci bene ora che siamo vivi’
‘Let’s love each other while we are alive’
And dogs more then anyone I know; know how to do this best
They love with every inch of their beings,
You can feel the love seeping out of their souls.
And they know how to live in the moment … in fact; I am not even sure they know anything but the moment they are in
You were an amazing dog
So sweet and gentle and so mischievous all at the same time
We all miss you so much
The kids are sad
I am a mess
Your sister keeps looking for you
I keep seeing you in your favourite spots around the house as if you are still here
Know that you are loved beyond what you could have ever imagined
And will always live on in our hearts forever
I hope you are running wild and free over the rainbow
Rest in peace
February 9th 2003 – February 11th 2015
I was there only days after you were born and was there the moment you left this world
You chose us with your witty sense of excitement and for that I am forever grateful for the amazing 12 years you gave us!
we miss you … as my daughter said at bed time last night “why is not Sandy here?” 😦
To all my wonderful friends both in real life and online thank you for your kind words
Your offers to help
You have no idea how much each one means to me
And I thank you from the bottom of my heart